Summer Breeze

For Better or Worse: A Review

Many years ago while hanging out with some extended family back home, I saw my first Tyler Perry play. It was a bootleg version of I Can Do Bad All By Myself. My family couldn’t stop telling me how funny it was going to be. So full of anticipation, I was smiling even before they pushed play. My smile soon faded, replaced by confusion. Why wasn’t I getting it? What was I missing? Everyone else was laughing, why not me? Soon I started fake-smiling just out of a desire to fit in. When it was over, and folks asked if I liked it, I lied.

Well, over ten years later, I’ve stopped smiling, and I’ve stopped lying. I’m still not a fan of Tyler Perry’s plays, but my disdain for his newest show stems from far more than its stale humor. This latest venture, For Better or Worse (FBOW), is definitely for the worst.

 

Here's the good: Never a dull moment in the show.

Here's the not-so-good: Every moment of the show that's not dull.

Tasha Smith’s stock character that she brings to Every. Single. Film. can only be taken in very small doses. So thirty minutes (or a full hour for the show’s premiere back-to-back episodes!!) pushes one beyond the breaking point. Her volume and her tone are all the way turned up. (No Soulja Boy.) If I knew an Angela in real life, I wouldn’t spend more than 15 minutes in her presence, so that’s reason alone why I won’t be inviting her back next week.

Tyler Perry is shrewd. He knows what works. Right now, the shows with black casts that attract millions of viewers are reality TV shows. These shows pretty much guarantee at least one episode per season of foul-mouthed, weave-snatching black women "whoopin some a$$," and every other episode where they are threatening to do so. From Bad Girls Club, to Basketball Wives (choose your city), to RHOA, the story remains the same: Black women, regardless of socio-economic or educational background, will fight like animals in a heartbeat. So what do these well-to-do women on Perry's FBOW do when they have a disagreement? What else?! By incorporating this disgusting behavior into the framework of a family sitcom, by fictionalizing it, Tyler Perry has created a trope and made it an acceptable part of the formula when fashioning shows around black women. “Angela” joins Sapphire and Mammy as the latest demeaning stock character of black women depicted on television. Congrats, Tyler!

Donna Brazile's "Best Advice" Ever: Listen Up!

"The Best Advice I Ever Received" from August 2011 Ebony magazine:

"My best advice was to learn how to listen. Listen to each other, to yourself, to your heart, to those who agree with you and, most important, listen to the people you most want to shut up. Chances are, they have something to say that you need to hear. Listen before responding. Sometimes you'll learn to just be quiet. Maybe what they say is true. Maybe it's not. Maybe it's just a perspective that differs from your own.

Nevertheless, listen. 

You might learn something. If you're really listening, you will. Even if it's just about yourself, and that you're a good listener (emphasis added). When you listen, you boost the overall amount of civility in the world, and God knows we need more of that! So listen up."

--Donna Brazile

 

Disciplining My Seven Year Old: DIY followup

Man, this DIY discipline is really working. Not only is my little guy learning more responsibility, but also, and perhaps most importantly, I am getting a break!! What have I been thinking? Can you say Win Win?? (This is what summer break is for: Reevaluation of life. lol)

This morning, I told him to get his bag ready for camp. This little twerp actually said, "I don't want to. You usually do it. Can you just do it?" Rather than react impulsively, I simply responded in a calm, matter-of-fact manner, "I didn't ask you what you wanted to do. Either fix the bag--without any more whining--in the next five minutes, or you're not going. You will stay home, clean your room, run errands with me, not go to the park, nor to visit friends. Your choice."

Then, I proceeded to head to my room, mumbling loud enough for him to hear that "it looked like I wasn't going anywhere, may as well get started on my day."

He packed the bag in less than two minutes. 

We headed out the door, both in good moods. My hope is that taking responsibility and doing things for himself will be a matter of habit by summer's end so few-to-no ultimatums will have to be issued.

Disciplining My Seven Year Old: Listen the First Time or DIY

My headstrong seven-year old is having a hard time with a couple of issues. One deals with being helpful to others, and by others, I mean me. That's my bad. I've done too much for him for too long, and now when I request his help, he reacts as though it's exhausting drudgery. Welp. Time for a re-training. Better late than never. The second issue is long-standing and it involves listening and doing something the first, rather than the umpteenth time I say it (which is usually issued in a menacing threat.) Depending on his mood or current activity, he tends to wait for the threat level to reach magenta before he reacts, and even then he moves at his own sweet pace. I want to kill him snatch him up redirect him. (I don't spank, and I try to use disciplinary measures that teach by showing the direct consequence of his actions. It's tough sometimes, but I'm up for the challenge.)

Tonight's request dealt with making his bed. I'm teaching him to be more self-sufficient and learn how to complete household chores, especially those that directly relate to him. So I said, "Come here and help to make up your bed." I wait. He pretends to be enthralled w/some useless object. So I ever so swiftly stepped to him and raised him by his arm and repeated my request in the tone he's grown accustomed to. So accustomed, in fact, that he wasn't fazed. He sat right back down. Mmkay, mmkay. Gotcha.

So that's when it came to me. I said, "No problem. Don't worry. You don't have to help." He looked simultaneously bewildered and suspicious of my tone. "No-ho-ho-ho," I sang. (You know it's dangerous when someone turns "No" into a laugh.) "You can do it yourself. Since you want to ignore my request for help, make your own bed." 

"But I don't know how."

"Welp. Figure it out and do the best you can. Whatever you come up with, that's what you sleep on."

"But, but, Mommy." He's standing now, fitted sheets in hand, ever so ready. Hmph.

"All done with this conversation. From here on out, if you don't help the first time I ask, you will be doing it yourself. So...do your best."

You made your bed, now lie in it--literally.

Now I'm chillin, no stress, no frustration, no reinforcement of wrinkle-lines in my forehead, and he's making his own bed, wishing he'd listened the first time. (He actually did a decent job, not great, but good enough.)

Hmm...any other non-spanking tips for helping out in this scenario? Or any similar experiences?

Why Black Men Don't Date Sisters

While helping a friend move this weekend, I had a most enlightening (?) discussion with a brother on why black men are likely to date outside the race.

His argument: Educated black men live and work in areas with few black women. Thus, you date who is available. For example, he lives in a predominantly white area, and he works as a teacher in a Hispanic community. To see a black woman, he has to drive and go and look for one. According to him, it's simply a matter of accessibility. I rephrased, "Laziness??" We compromised on "convenience."

My argument: Da hell? 

His argument: To further complicate issues, in his opinion, the black community is broken. We don't know how to talk to and love one another--not like persons of other communities, especially Hispanic. So he seemed to imply that the search, even if undertaken, was not worth it.

My argument: Da HELL?!?!

At first, I was very disheartened by his words. This guy is very eligible on paper--tall, handsome, educated (finance degree, MBA). And he is saying that brothers basically can't be bothered to work to find us, because odds are, even if they do, it won't work out anyway. But the more we spoke, the more I convinced myself that he MUST be speaking for himself or for a small minority of men whom I don't want anyway. Now mind you, we leave in a metropolitan area with large pockets of black men AND women just 15-20 minutes in either direction. I mean, if you're not even willing to drive a few extra minutes to find me, what does that say about the level of work you would put into maintaining any relationship that we did have?

Please tell me I'm right. Tell me that this dude is in the minority and things aren't this dismal. Please. I beg of you.

Beverly Hills Fabulous - Ep8: Out with the Old and In with the New

[I just started watching BHF a couple of episodes back based on recommendation of my Homegirl. They had me at "Elginized." This show is just... Yesness. Total yesness.]

Episode 8 picks up on the drama between Syreeta (sp?), Sean's assistant, and Katrina and Lolita. Syreeta throws out the word "ghetto," and I'm like "Oh, lord." Sean doesn't seem to get that involved, but his talks to the camera reveal that he feels Syreeta is out of line.

Meanwhile, Elgin has hired new talent for the salon. He first introduces a barber named Esau, whose view of himself greatly outweighs the impression he makes on the others. Esau's intro to the staff serves as hello and goodbye for him and the home viewers, for he is not seen anymore afterwards. The main focus, though, not surprisingly, is on the white girl, whose name escapes me. We'll call her Blondie for now, since that was her main purpose in this episode anyway, to just be white and blond.

Epiphany: Natural Hair Maintenance/Styling Breakthrough

I am a full-time student and nearly a full-time mom. I have had natural hair for the last 3.5 years. I love my hair, but right now, it doesn't look or feel like I love it. It's dry, crunchy, tangled, and hidden under a very pretty scarf. I can't find 3-4 hours to do nothing but devote to the maintenance and styling of my hair. And plus, and even more importantly, I don't want to. If I have that kind of available time, I want to rest, visit friends, watch TV, etc., not spend it with my arms in the air, cringing and sighing.

So I thought about loc'ing my hair. I love the look of locs. Always thought I might get them if I ever got to this point, i.e., tired of my hair. (I have no desire to relax, mainly because I now realize that flat hair does not match my cheek bones, and because I'm no longer keen on the idea of chemicals near my scalp on the regular. But it's mainly the first reason.) I asked around a bit on Twitter, and I found that I may have underestimated the amount of maintenance necessary to care for locs. *le sigh*

I was thinking that locs needed to be done every 6-8 weeks or so, kind of like a relaxer. And I was planning to find an experienced loctitian and work that expense into the budget. I was mulling all of this information over when all of a sudden it hit me:

Work it into the budget NOW! Why am I willing to pay a cosmetologist for relaxers, a loctitian for loc maintenance, but not a stylist for my loose natural hair? Because I think that you should not pay for something you can do yourself. Well, that's some bull. I'm tired. I don't have time. And I'm too fly to be walking around shot-out when I don't have to.

I think this is what can sometimes be overwhelming about going natural. We take on too much. We get all excited. And understandably so. It's empowering to all of a sudden be in charge and in control of hair that for years has belonged to your beautician. (You dared not cut your own hair, or heaven forbid, visit ANOTHER stylist!) And so you kick everything to the curb and strike out on your own. You've got YouTube on your side. Who can stop you?!

Well, I'm stopping me. I'm waiting on a callback from a natural hair stylist I like. I am going to start going every 6-8 weeks. My frustration levels are about to plummet while my cuteness will rise exponentially. :-)