Summer Breeze

Donna Brazile's "Best Advice" Ever: Listen Up!

"The Best Advice I Ever Received" from August 2011 Ebony magazine:

"My best advice was to learn how to listen. Listen to each other, to yourself, to your heart, to those who agree with you and, most important, listen to the people you most want to shut up. Chances are, they have something to say that you need to hear. Listen before responding. Sometimes you'll learn to just be quiet. Maybe what they say is true. Maybe it's not. Maybe it's just a perspective that differs from your own.

Nevertheless, listen. 

You might learn something. If you're really listening, you will. Even if it's just about yourself, and that you're a good listener (emphasis added). When you listen, you boost the overall amount of civility in the world, and God knows we need more of that! So listen up."

--Donna Brazile

 

35 Ways Being 35 Rocks: 29-35

Here are the final seven. And just as I hoped, I'm feeling it now. So let me go 'head and rock this 35 the way it should be rocked. :-D

29. When I make MISTAKES, I try to CORRECT, rather than berate, myself.
30. I came of age during the time of Biggie, Tupac, The FUGEES, etc.
31. I witnessed the REAL WORLD when it was actually real. Season 1 NY, baby!
32. When life gives me lemons, I know how to throw those bad boys down the garbage disposal and keep it movin.
33. My age is easily divisible. (Not sure when this would be applicable or necessary, but still....)
34. I STILL have time to re-procreate, if I so choose. (See Halle, Mariah, etc.)
35. Did I mention I can run for PRESIDENT? Don’t laugh. (See Sarah Palin.)

 

35 Ways Being 35 Rocks: 22-28

More pluses that my 35 years have brought me:

22. I found my CALLING in life.
23. I’m working towards my calling.
24. I’m working on my second “student loan-free” post-graduate DEGREE.
25. I’m old enough to be treated as a GROWN UP by my parents.
26. I’m young enough to still get to feel like a KID around my parents.
27. I value peace and strive for balance, and often I find both.
28. I shy away from judging others.

35 Ways Being 35 Rocks: 15-21

The countdown continues. What can 35 years on this earth get ya?

15. I don’t have to worry whether my metabolism slows down in my 30s.
16. I am the same dress size I was in college. #POW
17. I am the same dress size I was in college, but with curves – post-child, baby! #DoublePOW
18. I know that my MIND and PERSONALITY are far more valuable than my body.
19. I know that HIS mind and personality are far more valuable than his body – in the long-term. (Short-term... well, lol)
20. I know to NEVER say what I would NEVER do.
21. I LISTEN to and RESPECT my GUT. (This is HUGE.)

 

35 Ways Being 35 Rocks: 8-14

 8. Per scientists, I’m on the upward climb of my SEXUAL PEAK. (Hope that's a myth, though. :-/)
 9. I know that I can be a woman and LOVE SEX and not be ashamed of that. Doesn't make me a whore, slut, etc.
10. I know what I like, and I'm not too shy to ask for it.
11. I don't take myself too seriously anymore.
12. I’m not afraid to say “NO.” 
13. When I say YES, I mean it.
14. I know that SEX combined with LOVE has no equal.

 

Keep my name outcha mouth: Discussing the discussions and lack thereof

I learned something about myself tonight. I'm still working through it, so bear with me....

On some subconscious level, I feel uneasy speaking negatively publicly about white women. Today, on good authority, I learned that white Southern women have the highest divorce rate in the country. This news was released in response to the popular topic of "what's wrong with black women."

And yet, despite the ease with which the major media outlets speculate and report on the "trouble" with black women, I hesitated -- a lot -- to tweet what I had found out. Why??? That's problematic. Perhaps it my Southern upbringing. Perhaps I hesitated because I felt like I'd get backlash. Maybe I hestitated because I wondered if I had the right to comment on such a thing. And in some respects, I'm still not sure that I do. I mean, two wrongs don't make a right. I don't want to start bashing white women because I feel attacked.

However, I do think that my hesitancy is actually very illustrative of exactly why I needed to post this fact. Why is the nation so fixated with and feel so comfortable with publicizing the "ills" of one particular group? Why are we -- black women -- dragged through the mud without a second thought? Why are our supposed love woes fodder for ABC Nightline, while the white women's plight remains buried on NPR-like outlets. (No diss; I'm just saying.)

I've said this before, but it bears repeating:

Black women aren't seen as delicate and fragile like white women, are we? We can be yelled at, dumped on, degraded, by people of all races and genders, even our own, and we are supposed to shake it off and not take it personally, not be too sensitive. Like other remnants of slavery, this stereotype that we can handle anything works to our detriment and results in our being used as the "mules of the world." Well, dammit, I'm sensitive and fragile, too! Protect me. Respect me.

Tiger's finally putting his club where it belongs....

So apparently Tiger's kickin' ass in his return. At least, that's what I gather from the headlines. It seems that I don't care enough about golf or Tiger to actually click in and read any of the articles. And yet, I curiously find myself secretly satisfied that he's not sucking it up. I guess he's an underdog now (emphasis on the dog), and I can't help but root for the underdog. I guess.

Honestly, I am puzzled by my reaction. I'm disgusted by his behavior towards his wife, but I think it's just that -- between him and his wife. Now if I heard that Elin was sticking it to him and leaving him high and dry, that would make me smile. But Tiger sucking at golf? Na'ah, there's no joy in that.

To the Black Cat...

... who crossed my path on the way home from the gym:

"HA! Too late."

The Isiah Verdict - My Take

I started commenting about this over at Rell's spot, but decided to make it into a post.

In reading about the case, I never really thought it was sexual harassment (SH) in the sense of him actually wanting to get with her.

Here's my take: He called her out her name from time to time; he disrepected her in other ways. Each time he knew he'd gone too far, he tried to fix it with lines like, "what, no love today?" and flirting with her. Because he's Zeke, ya'll, and no woman can stay mad at him. 'specially when he turns on the charm. *ting* the sound his smile makes in his head

Him - an overly familiar jack-ass who's head has been blown up for far too long.

Her - a disgruntled employee who decided to bust his overly familiar ass, knowing how he intended the comments (just black folks dealing with one another) but how they would be -- and should be -- perceived by the general public (unprofessional, racist, and sexually harassing.)

I applaud her. I for one get fed up with the overly familiar "brothas" who abuse the supposed kinmanship that we are thought to share -- being of the same race. Talking to you in ways they would never talk to a white woman. Hah-hah, Isaiah. Gotcha.

Musiq Soulchild's "Teach Me": A Closer Look

Have you heard Musiq's new single, "Teach Me"? It's a beautiful song in terms of melody and the basic sentiment of a man wanting to love a woman better. The song hits home for women and men alike -- women frustrated by their man's inability to open up and the men constantly hearing about their inability to show their emotions. But I want to dig a little deeper and focus on the lyrical content and its implications.

Music begins by stating what he was taught being a man means:

I was told the true definition of a man, was to neva cry,
work till you die (yea), got to provide (yea),
always be the rock for my fam,
protect them by all means and give you the things that you need.

Undoubtedly, many can relate to these words. The phrase "be a man" is oftentimes synonymous with "being a provider," taking care of you and yours, etc. And I agree. However, providing for physical needs should not be an all encompassing definition of "being a man." Musiq realizes this, and that is what I think is fantastic about this song.

Our relationship is sufferin trynna give you what I neva had
you say I don't know how to love you babe, well I say show me the way,
I keep my feelings deep inside I, shadow them with my pride I,
I'm tryin desperately baby just work with me

He recognizes that his definition of manhood is not working, and it is actually causing serious harm to his relationship. It has left out an important component -- emotional support. Such self-awareness is a key for anyone trying to make a change. And what a hard place to get to, realizing that something you were taught all your life, part of the foundation of who you are, is not entirely correct and needs to be adjusted. And the way Musiq puts this to song -- beautiful.

However, now we get to the chorus of the song. And here's what I don't like: