While helping a friend move this weekend, I had a most enlightening (?) discussion with a brother on why black men are likely to date outside the race.
His argument: Educated black men live and work in areas with few black women. Thus, you date who is available. For example, he lives in a predominantly white area, and he works as a teacher in a Hispanic community. To see a black woman, he has to drive and go and look for one. According to him, it's simply a matter of accessibility. I rephrased, "Laziness??" We compromised on "convenience."
My argument: Da hell?
His argument: To further complicate issues, in his opinion, the black community is broken. We don't know how to talk to and love one another--not like persons of other communities, especially Hispanic. So he seemed to imply that the search, even if undertaken, was not worth it.
My argument: Da HELL?!?!
At first, I was very disheartened by his words. This guy is very eligible on paper--tall, handsome, educated (finance degree, MBA). And he is saying that brothers basically can't be bothered to work to find us, because odds are, even if they do, it won't work out anyway. But the more we spoke, the more I convinced myself that he MUST be speaking for himself or for a small minority of men whom I don't want anyway. Now mind you, we leave in a metropolitan area with large pockets of black men AND women just 15-20 minutes in either direction. I mean, if you're not even willing to drive a few extra minutes to find me, what does that say about the level of work you would put into maintaining any relationship that we did have?
Please tell me I'm right. Tell me that this dude is in the minority and things aren't this dismal. Please. I beg of you.
I frankly don't give a damn. I'm sure you might feel that's easy for me to say. ;)
BUT, I get the feeling that this whole Black man shortage, the others are convenient, "oh but please give a sista a chance" plea, all of it, is stroking a lot of egos.
I was doing a bit of research on this yesterday day for a paper that this topic plays a key role. I came across this horribly written blog with even more horrific responses. the blog's focus is basically a platform for Black women to present themselves as "elegant" ladies as "It's about becoming the highest-quality women, despite our upbringing or lineage, so that we can attract good, successful men of any race."
Really?!?!
Meanwhile, the blog's author and some male commenter banter back and back forth in the comments of her last post on why Black men won't date Black women. He cites how Black women snubbed Black men to further their feminist cause or to receive welfare.
Really?!?!
If others share his sentiments, then this is all vengeance driven. And it seems so. I hear so many Black guys touting that "y'all weren't checkin' for me when I was broke" or "y'all only want a brotha that treats you like crap". A lot of them seem to have been burned by someone and use it as a cop out to shun all Black women. This gives them the permission (read "balls") to date/marry non-Black women. But why do we give it so much substance? I get it. Preference is a factor. Otherwise, I would hope so many Black women wouldn't feed this monster.
My point is that I can't feed that monster. The media does it enough with every other Black magazine cover featuring an article on this very topic. It's sickening.
I don't know what the solution is for Black women whose preference is Black men and she is hard-pressed to find one not bitter and unable to enter a new relationship with maturity and a clean slate.
Sorry I just went all rogue in your comments Summer.
Posted by: BrownGirl | May 23, 2011 at 10:00 PM